First off I would like to say thanks to all of you for leaving your thoughts whether they were positive, tuff love, or some where in between. I know all that have replied have invested some time into reading my blog and helping me along the way via your comments and writing of your own blogs so thanks for the continued support. I also wanted to say that allot of time when I blog I blog what I am thinking for the most part kind of uncensored, meaning I am trying to be as real as possible with no bs. With that said I would like to comment on a few of the comments.
Carrie
I get what your saying about the magic number and that maybe I shouldn't be so caught up on hitting 180. I also agree that I have been at this for way too long. Truthfully I don't see any other way at it and I know deep down I will most likely always have to battle my weight. I also know that quitting or giving up is not really the answer. As for the cruise pics I agree that I look pretty normal, however I chose those pics because they were some of the better ones we took. Just for reference, and I have mentioned this before but at 6 foot and 200 pounds I carry about 24-25% body fat and have the physic of a tube of toothpaste. You can look back at this entry to see what I look like less the shirt (at cruise weight). I would say that yes I am a hardloser (have a hard time loosing fat weight) but yet a hardgainer too (hard time putting on any muscle mass or weight). I do gain strength in workouts but never much size. So in a sense my body is out of equilibrium (fat vs muscle). I have gotten really skinny before but it was fat skinny. I wish I could afford a personal trainer that I thought was worth his/her fees. All the trainers at the big clubs around here are mostly wannabees with little to no more knowledge than I already have. The problem with most trainers is they put everyone on the same canned plan (calc by using age, height, weight and some calorie equation) cause it worked for them or someone else. Well as you know everyone is different and so are their bodies/genetics. I have spent a ton of time reading, training, and educating myself about exercise, diet and all other things health. I have tried allot of different approaches and many have worked kind of but none have gotten me the results I have wanted (which I don't think are too over the top). Lastly I do very much appreciate my life, body, health, family, wife, friends, job, freedom, and everything else good in my life. I do know I am a lucky man to have what I have. Yesterday I was in a funk and blogged about how I was feeling.
Tigerlilly
Not getting off the roller coaster just trying to regain my momentum. I know the only answer is staying healthy and being alive for those I love. I still have tons of stuff I want to do and accomplish in this life. I will try not to throw anymore Ripx180 blogspot pity parties. :)
Johndanger
Thanks for stepping out of the woods and giving me some thoughts. We have a ton of stuff in common and I would really like to follow your progress if you have a blog (I see you have your profile locked down). I too have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old son. Sounds like you have lost a crazy amount of weight fast (50 lbs in 3 months is insane). I have done a low carb, lean meat and veggies diet in the past that worked well weight loss wise but I struggled with it after doing for like 5-6 months. I got tired of eating the same stuff all the time so I wouldn't eat very much and I think thats why I lost weight so fast. I just don't think I could avoid all grains, pastas, beans, rice etc as a lifestyle. The stuff I do eat most of the time is whole wheat/ healthier choices.
Once again thanks for the comments.
Diet yesterday was just ok. I did PlyoX last night and have a 4 mile run planned for tonight.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Ripx180 Furniture = LazyBoy....
WI: 205
I am still struggling with the mental portion of the game. I need to come up with a revelation that will re-energize my motivation and dedication to a healthy lifestyle that sticks for the long run. Like most people my will to loose weight and stay healthy ebbs and tides like the ocean. My cycles seem to go in 50 pound increments over about a 3 year period. In the summer of 2004 I had worked my way down to 194. By summer of 2007 I had worked my way back up to 243 pounds before becoming disgusted with myself once again. By the summer of 2009 (this last summer) i had moved back down to 195. Today I sit at 205 watching myself slowly head back in a direction I don't want to go. A place I have been before but only this time older with a less resilient body. Why is mid 190s my magic number where I get hung up in my adult life weight wise? The summer before my senior year I got down to 168 and felt pretty good. I was a little to skinny I think or I guess lacked muscle but I guess I was really young then. Mentally I am trying to figure out what clicks in the 190s to where I throw in the towel and quit caring. Its not that I don't care cause I do and I don't want to have to go through the weight loss process again. It also bugs me that I never really hit my major goal of 180 pounds. I know that 180lbs isn't a magic number that is going to make things in my bodies world perfect but mentally its where I have always wanted to get. Truth is I know overweight people struggle with maintaining their weight. I totally believe that 97% of people never really maintain there weight loss and up to this point I fit the demographic. Loosing weight is something that I know I can do cause I have done it a handful of times before. But maintaining it and reaching a goal weight is something I haven't been able to do. Doubt has really sunk deep into my head. I have lots of thoughts blaming my genetics and upraising for my weight issues and body image. Matter of fact there have been many days in the last few months where I just don't care or my mind is absent of any self regulation in regards to food. I have thought "whatever, it doesn't matter I am already fat and this one meal isn't gonna make it any worse" way to many times recently. The thing that drives me crazy is I feel like if I eat 1500 cals a day I maintain or barely loose and in return I can eat closer to 3k a day and maintain or barely gain.
I think part of my problem is my support group is running thin. Most of the people I hang out with (friends and family) are genetically skinny and don't have to worry about what they eat/drink. The ones that are over weight don't seem to care or weight loss/healthy lifestyles is not important to them. You know what they say about "when in Rome" = eating sh!t and drinking. Truthfully, the online community isn't really there anymore either (I am sure you are thinking "why is he writing this then?"). My answer is "I don't know" and most likely because blogging has helped me in the past (I do miss the FAT Coalition). I do have to say thanks to my one loyal reader David who has seemed to always have my back. If anyone reading this knows of any other on-line blog groups that are more involved give me a shout out. Even my wife is less involved with helping me out. Our house has more junk food in it, shes not working out much, and our cooking has been less healthy including much more eating out. She used to actually read my blog and be involved with my well being. I know she is still behind me and there for me but its not at the forefront of her mind. I guess we all have a thousand other things to worry about (finance, kids, jobs, relationships, houses, image, personal hobbies etc).
I know, I am being a debbie downer so I will quit. I also realize all the above is bunch of lame excuses and I only have myself to blame. I just need to get a grip.
I guess one semi good thing is I am still working out 3-4 times a week which is better than the average American.
Sorry for the really long winded ramble... back to the drawing board.
I am still struggling with the mental portion of the game. I need to come up with a revelation that will re-energize my motivation and dedication to a healthy lifestyle that sticks for the long run. Like most people my will to loose weight and stay healthy ebbs and tides like the ocean. My cycles seem to go in 50 pound increments over about a 3 year period. In the summer of 2004 I had worked my way down to 194. By summer of 2007 I had worked my way back up to 243 pounds before becoming disgusted with myself once again. By the summer of 2009 (this last summer) i had moved back down to 195. Today I sit at 205 watching myself slowly head back in a direction I don't want to go. A place I have been before but only this time older with a less resilient body. Why is mid 190s my magic number where I get hung up in my adult life weight wise? The summer before my senior year I got down to 168 and felt pretty good. I was a little to skinny I think or I guess lacked muscle but I guess I was really young then. Mentally I am trying to figure out what clicks in the 190s to where I throw in the towel and quit caring. Its not that I don't care cause I do and I don't want to have to go through the weight loss process again. It also bugs me that I never really hit my major goal of 180 pounds. I know that 180lbs isn't a magic number that is going to make things in my bodies world perfect but mentally its where I have always wanted to get. Truth is I know overweight people struggle with maintaining their weight. I totally believe that 97% of people never really maintain there weight loss and up to this point I fit the demographic. Loosing weight is something that I know I can do cause I have done it a handful of times before. But maintaining it and reaching a goal weight is something I haven't been able to do. Doubt has really sunk deep into my head. I have lots of thoughts blaming my genetics and upraising for my weight issues and body image. Matter of fact there have been many days in the last few months where I just don't care or my mind is absent of any self regulation in regards to food. I have thought "whatever, it doesn't matter I am already fat and this one meal isn't gonna make it any worse" way to many times recently. The thing that drives me crazy is I feel like if I eat 1500 cals a day I maintain or barely loose and in return I can eat closer to 3k a day and maintain or barely gain.
I think part of my problem is my support group is running thin. Most of the people I hang out with (friends and family) are genetically skinny and don't have to worry about what they eat/drink. The ones that are over weight don't seem to care or weight loss/healthy lifestyles is not important to them. You know what they say about "when in Rome" = eating sh!t and drinking. Truthfully, the online community isn't really there anymore either (I am sure you are thinking "why is he writing this then?"). My answer is "I don't know" and most likely because blogging has helped me in the past (I do miss the FAT Coalition). I do have to say thanks to my one loyal reader David who has seemed to always have my back. If anyone reading this knows of any other on-line blog groups that are more involved give me a shout out. Even my wife is less involved with helping me out. Our house has more junk food in it, shes not working out much, and our cooking has been less healthy including much more eating out. She used to actually read my blog and be involved with my well being. I know she is still behind me and there for me but its not at the forefront of her mind. I guess we all have a thousand other things to worry about (finance, kids, jobs, relationships, houses, image, personal hobbies etc).
I know, I am being a debbie downer so I will quit. I also realize all the above is bunch of lame excuses and I only have myself to blame. I just need to get a grip.
I guess one semi good thing is I am still working out 3-4 times a week which is better than the average American.
Sorry for the really long winded ramble... back to the drawing board.
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