Its all Evan’s Fault...

Ok maybe not at all but he has sure been keeping us busy. We had a planned c-section date but he decided to choose his own birthday and nuke everyone else's schedule along the way. I cant believe that my second son will be a week old tomorrow. For the ladies he was 6lbs 12oz and 19inches long. Both he and his mother are doing great and I am trying to get back in the swing of things on the nutrition and exercise front. Once his mom gets back to 100% she plans to get involved too on both fronts. Hopefully I can talk her into doing a blog also. Now if we can just get Evan on a good schedule and get a good night sleep.

Kristen thanks for sending me a reminder to get back and Melissa sorry to hear that blogspot ate your page. Guess that means I need to back mine up. I have a couple weeks off work so I am planning on getting some more frequent exercise and blogging more also. Help keep me honest FAT, if I don’t blog shoot me a comment if you got a moment.

Here is a little video of Evan at 4 days old. His grandpa got really lucky and caught his first smile on video.

Start of a Good Week

Overall I do feel like things are taking a turn for the better in my quest to get healthier and drop some weight. I have really been trying to pay attention to the mental part of the game which I think is my worst downfall (that or diet). I have been reading allot of old posts and trying to reestablish the reasons why I am doing this. Not that I have ever forgot them, I have just kind of had times where it hasn't been at the absolute front of my mind. Diet wise I am really trying to eat clean and less in general. I think my portion sizes have been somewhat skewed in the past. I am really just trying to simplify things. Natural healthy whole foods and less in general. Here is yesterdays menu...

6am
Grilled chicken breast (small amount) & diced tomatoes, Banana
9am
Green tea, Organic oats & flax, Black coffee
Noon
Grilled chicken breast, veggies, brown rice
2:30pm
Ziplock of spinach, celery & almonds 15nuts
6:30pm
Turkey chili, sautéed zucchini (in evoo), 6oz v8
Throughout the day
Multi vitamin, vita c, 4fish caps, 100+ onces of H2O

Another note on the menu I have started to do like some of you all do. Monday night I grilled up 4 chicken breasts, made some brown rice, and a big batch of veggies. That gave me four lunches and four chicken and tomatoes snacks. Last night we had turkey chili with left overs so I made two more lunches out of that. Almost looks like I am planning my diet out here... :) I have been trying to be more active in the kitchen with my wife to make sure food is being prepared how I like it (healthy). She seems to like input and the help too.

Monday I did a circuit workout that included dumbbell swings, jumping squats, lunges w/dumbbell press, push ups, row deadlift combo. I stayed pretty light on the weights to work on form. I still nearly puked. The all over body workouts just waste me. I noticed another weird thing, when I do these workouts my BP drops significantly. I always thought it would go up. I took it right after I was feeling kind of ill the first time and it was like 91/68. whats your take on that??? Has anyone else taken there BP after or during a hard compound movement circuit?

Last night I did 40 mins on the treadmill. ran for the first 20 mins then switched to a more HIIT approach for the last 16 minutes with a few minutes cool down at the end. I was soaked and really wasted by the end. The treadmill doesn't make me feel like I am going to puke which is nice. I guess if I went harder and faster it might.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Did Something

Even though its only been a short period of time since my last "tear in the beer" blog I am feeling much better. Thanks for all the comments, I feel like many of them stuck for some reason. Billy's "make your actions match your intentions", Jim's "Do Something", Jay's "the only thing that helps me is exercise", Rob's "Just do something athletic", and Swanks "Pay yourself first, Treat this lifestyle like you treat your mortgage" all meant allot to me. Lets just say in the last few days I have done something, matched my actions with my intentions, exercised, and payed the lifestyle mortgage and it all feels good. I think just getting on the treadmill helped refocus and reset my mindset, diet, and desire to loose weight. I woke up this morning with the fire deep in the pit of my stomach. Things are looking up and if I were a betting man the weight will be coming down. I do have some lost ground to recapture but that's fine it is what it is. The only thing I can do is dig in and start moving forward from here out.

215 swanks..... I hear you loud and clear.

Living to Die not Learning to Live

I know it has been eons since I have last blogged. I look at my blog and others almost daily still. I have been trying to comment on others blogs but then there are times that I think I shouldn't cause I cant even follow my own advise. As I have always said if I am not blogging then I don't have much to be proud about. I look back at what I ate this weekend and in a nutshell it was Ripx before the FAT coalition type of diet. I am talking pizza, burger & tots, milkshake, spaghetti & bread, ice cream, and an assortment of other candy..... all in the last 3 days. With each one of those eatings I actually thought about how unhappy I am physically but yet I still shoved it in my cake hole telling myself I would deal with it later. In all honesty I think I have pretty much been spinning out of control since thanksgiving. I have had my good week here and there but nothing consistent. Its a very slippery slope as all who have lost and gained weight know. I have been here before.

Truth is I feel like I owe you all a update, even though its not good and that's why I am writing this. I think there is so much value in this group and its something I don't want to loose. I feel like you have all put allot of effort into me and that I am not fulfilling my end of the bargain. I am sure you all understand to a degree. I still do want what I wanted on day one. I am just struggling to get mind, body, and soul all working in unison. Please don't give up on me.

My Blog / Mind Dump / Frustration

I finally feel like I am starting to round the corner and get back to real. I have been doing allot of thinking about why I started this journey in the first place. I have also been trying to address the low self esteem and failure mechanism that seem to plague me. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't question what the hell I am doing or why. So getting fit is really at the forefront of my mind. I struggle with telling people in my life (family and friends) that I am trying to make a change. I have said it to many times before to fail and return back to my fat roots. I am sick of all the questions, skepticism, uneducated comments, and doubt that I receive from certain individuals in my life. These are people that I can not just write off and walk away from cause I know they are just uninformed and they do mean allot to me. The only thing in their health arsenal is low fat, low cal etc (diet of the 70s - 80s). I have always struggled with being the topic of conversation or being the notorious "Wave Maker". I don't like it when my choices impact other peoples lives in what they view as a "negative light". I don't know how many times I have heard "Well, what can you eat then??". With that snyd frustrated air in the question because my choices are impacting their pizza feed/ processed carb bomb. Then if I don't eat or say anything they think I don't like their food or that there is something wrong. Then compound that into a never ending cycle. Many of my friends are genetically gifted and don't really need to watch what they eat or drink so they think what i am doing is outlandish and weird. I have seriously looked them in the eye at times and said "would you want to be fat like me?". Then the bull shit comments about "your not fat" or "your too hard on yourself" start up. Who are they trying to kid? I am sure as hell not falling for it. I just really hate the fact that some people never have to work on being in shape. They just don't understand and cannot relate. Their hard workout is a f-n walk in the park for me but yet I am a big fat ass.... I don't really know what all this means but I think its all coming to a head. Something has to give and its not gonna be me saying "I am genetically fat so I might as well get used to it". F that, it's such bs. I know allot of the paragraph above is me being a whiner or excuse beaatch. I also know that the majority of you probably experience the same things and some how managed to make it. I also know I need to just commit to it and let everything else fly out the window.

Diet is planned and good today. I did a interval variation last night that I came up with on the A workout Billy was doing for a while. I don't think I was in good enough shape to really do the T-nation workouts effectively. So I took a few of the big moves and added a few others etc. I am pretty soar today and I didnt puke which was nice. I weighed in at 226 today and that sucks!

I'm Back

Hey FAT I know I have been absent allot lately. I am going to be a better more frequent blogger than I have been in the last month.

We just had a almost week long vacation down in Sunriver with a bunch of friends and family. We all had a really nice time and everyone made it there and home in one piece. It was a hard week for me to be in my own fat skin. The other 3 guys down there are all fire fighters and in phenomenally good shape (we are all close to the same age). Two of them are training for a iron man this coming summer and all three have ran marathons etc. Then there is me.... not a fireman and fat. I really felt out of touch, old, out of shape, and down about it in general. I only got in the hot tub one time cause I am embarrassed of who I am with my shirt off. Then to top it off the last night we all drank way too much. I think it was probably the most intoxicated I have ever been in my life. Luckily I didn't do anything too stupid but all of us guys were embarrassed for our choices. I felt like I had to apologize to the wives and ladies there and they all kind of chuckled at me and said "everyone needs to cut loose every once in a while". I think it was kind of a eye opener for me. I didn't like the feeling that night or the day after. I think I am going to stay away from the booze for a while and reflect. I don't drink all that often and I was trying to save calories by not eating much. I don't like having those "Why did I do that" moments. Anyway I don't know why I am writing about this but I suppose its because it's on my mind. On top of all that healthy eating and exercise didn't happen much while I was down there. I did ski one day which was quite the workout for me. I am getting back on the treadmill tonight for a hard cardio workout. I need to flush all the bad out.


For all you tech heads like me.... Have you checked out GA (google analytics?). It's free with your g-mail account. It pretty much tracks all the traffic on your site. You can see what cities people are logging in from, number of hits, and a ton of other information. I have put it on my blog and my personal home page. Its been really interesting to watch hit trends etc. On days I write a blog it goes way up (as you would expect).

I am going to try and catch up on all your blogs today at lunch. Hope everything is going well and that the fat is coming off for the rest of you.

Does it get any easier?

For those of you that are doing the t-nation A and B workouts that Billy posted about are they getting any easier? I don't know if its the big compound movements or what but I cant get through these workouts without feeling like absolute sh*t. Last night after doing the majority of workout A I was laying on the hardwood floor trying to cool down cause I was on the verge of puking. The puke factor seems huge in these workouts for me. I don't know if I am just in really bad cardio shape or what. At this point I dread doing them cause it makes me feel so ill during and 20-30 mins after. I tried to take longer breaks in between sets but still cant dodge the feeling that I am going to yuke. I don't really get cardio winded I just start feeling sick. I do get breathing some and sweat but not as much as when I am on the treadmill running. Any advice? I am not sure what the deal is.

Brian, In answer to your comment/question, no I am not any closer. I pretty much ate like a a$$ hat over the new years holiday. This morning I weighed in at 225 which really made me feel like crap. I am pretty frustrated with myself at this point but I think that's a good thing. As I mentioned on Robs blog its been 2 months since I have written "new low" on my blog. That is just unacceptable to me and I am embarrassed about it. That is why I haven't been blogging as much, cause I don't feel I deserve to post to a weight loss blog given my shatty performance. I know the only thing I can do is take control of the present and future. I am pissed that I have to re loose 5lbs... With that said thanks to all of you who continue to support me and my struggle to loose weight.

In other news we found out that our second son will come into the world via c-section on March 28th. I am really excited about that and am using it for motivation to be a healthier daddy by that time. We are also gearing up to put our home of 8 years on the market. With the new addition we are needing more space than our 1200sf home provides. I got to have a computer room and space to workout ya know.....