Vacation, Flu, & PDXlan

Well the last week and a half have not been what I imagined they would be. I have managed to skirt around my diet and exercise for another almost 2 weeks after having 1 good one. So this week I need to reset my internal compass and get back after the holy grail of weight loss.

So the 7, 8, 9, and 10th we were down at Mt Bachelor with another family that we have been friends with for a long time. We did some snow skiing, played games, swam, laughed allot, ate lots of food, and drank some drinks. My son took his first lesson on the slopes in Mt Bachelors Little Rippers program. He did great and had a great experience with their staff. However skiing is really starting to become a rich mans sport. We dropped about $300 bucks between 2 lift tickets, class admission, and some food. Pretty crazy for one day of skiing if you ask me.

Late on the 10th, 11th, 12th and 13th I was pretty sick with the flu. Ran a temp for all 4 days and didn't have much of a appetite nor the energy to workout. (guess you shouldn't workout when your sick). Returned to work on the 14th and 15th.

15th, 16th, 17th and 18th PDXlan event was on and in full effect. Lots of sitting in front of your computer playing games hanging with friends. I believe its one of the biggest LANs in the northwest and happens twice a year. Over 500 people attend and drag there computers from all over the states and beyond. It was a great event but once again sitting on your butt and not eating great is not really in my plan for loosing weight. Like I said it only happens twice a year and I really enjoying hanging and playing games with some good friends so I will be back at it next July at PDXlan 16.

Tonight I have a cardio workout planned along with some abs and stretching. Hope this finds everyone else doing well.

This Blog, 2009 & 2010

Well I haven't blogged in over a month and that's a long time for me. Probably the longest hiatus I have taken from blogging in a long time. Having a hard time staying motivated and wondering if this blog is worth my effort anymore. There used to be a huge community and that made it all worth while to me. I Guess I should still give it some thought since I have posted to Learning to Live for almost 3 years now. Even if I do decide this blog has run its course I would still like to stay in touch with a handful of friends/readers that have always been around to support me.

Lets see 2009 was a good year in life in general. I saw some ups and downs on the health front. I recorded my lowest weight of 194 back in June. Sadly if I look back on my blog to January 2009 I was weighing in at 204. Today I weighed in at 211 which is attributed to months of bad diet and slacking on the workout front. The last 2-3 months have pretty much sucked for me in regards to loosing weight. To me these stats are mentally draining and defeating.. Through allot of 2009 I gave up a ton of time (working out) and food to try and get to some magical number. Its so hard for me to not go extreme to one side or the other. I have been trying to get off this roller coaster for a long time but I must have a life long pass to ride. I just wish I could have ended 2009 on a good note weight wise. However I cannot complain to much as the rest of my life is good. I have a wonderful wife, boys, extended family, job, home, etc etc etc.... so I'm super thankful for that.

So onto 2010... I am not big into new years resolutions and believe anytime is a good time to set new goals. I guess the changing of a calendar year does make one reflect on the past year (why I am writing this I suppose). My wife and I have been talking about trying to get back to basics, back to what worked before. Time to really start meal planning again, eating out less, and communicating more about diet/fitness. She is the only consistent thing in my life that I believe really effects my health (that and of course #1 is myself). I need to try and surround myself with like minded people too. It seems hard in my life to do that as most people I know are either skinny (in shape) or fat and don't give a shit about diet and exercise. I have a few friends that can definitely be resources and I need to lean on them a little harder. I still think the beachbody programs (p90, p90x, insanity, Chalean extreme etc) are really good and fit my lifestyle well. So at this point my exercises regimes will use those programs with some running and boxing mixed in. I just started sparring with my neighbor across the street recently. I have never done any violent combat sports until now. I have found it to be a great exercise and fun given you have a good partner. We both agree to only go at about 60% and we have proper gear (headgear, gloves, mouth guards etc).

hope this finds all of you well and best of luck in the new year.

Comments On Comments

First off I would like to say thanks to all of you for leaving your thoughts whether they were positive, tuff love, or some where in between. I know all that have replied have invested some time into reading my blog and helping me along the way via your comments and writing of your own blogs so thanks for the continued support. I also wanted to say that allot of time when I blog I blog what I am thinking for the most part kind of uncensored, meaning I am trying to be as real as possible with no bs. With that said I would like to comment on a few of the comments.

Carrie
I get what your saying about the magic number and that maybe I shouldn't be so caught up on hitting 180. I also agree that I have been at this for way too long. Truthfully I don't see any other way at it and I know deep down I will most likely always have to battle my weight. I also know that quitting or giving up is not really the answer. As for the cruise pics I agree that I look pretty normal, however I chose those pics because they were some of the better ones we took. Just for reference, and I have mentioned this before but at 6 foot and 200 pounds I carry about 24-25% body fat and have the physic of a tube of toothpaste. You can look back at this entry to see what I look like less the shirt (at cruise weight). I would say that yes I am a hardloser (have a hard time loosing fat weight) but yet a hardgainer too (hard time putting on any muscle mass or weight). I do gain strength in workouts but never much size. So in a sense my body is out of equilibrium (fat vs muscle). I have gotten really skinny before but it was fat skinny. I wish I could afford a personal trainer that I thought was worth his/her fees. All the trainers at the big clubs around here are mostly wannabees with little to no more knowledge than I already have. The problem with most trainers is they put everyone on the same canned plan (calc by using age, height, weight and some calorie equation) cause it worked for them or someone else. Well as you know everyone is different and so are their bodies/genetics. I have spent a ton of time reading, training, and educating myself about exercise, diet and all other things health. I have tried allot of different approaches and many have worked kind of but none have gotten me the results I have wanted (which I don't think are too over the top). Lastly I do very much appreciate my life, body, health, family, wife, friends, job, freedom, and everything else good in my life. I do know I am a lucky man to have what I have. Yesterday I was in a funk and blogged about how I was feeling.

Tigerlilly
Not getting off the roller coaster just trying to regain my momentum. I know the only answer is staying healthy and being alive for those I love. I still have tons of stuff I want to do and accomplish in this life. I will try not to throw anymore Ripx180 blogspot pity parties. :)

Johndanger
Thanks for stepping out of the woods and giving me some thoughts. We have a ton of stuff in common and I would really like to follow your progress if you have a blog (I see you have your profile locked down). I too have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old son. Sounds like you have lost a crazy amount of weight fast (50 lbs in 3 months is insane). I have done a low carb, lean meat and veggies diet in the past that worked well weight loss wise but I struggled with it after doing for like 5-6 months. I got tired of eating the same stuff all the time so I wouldn't eat very much and I think thats why I lost weight so fast. I just don't think I could avoid all grains, pastas, beans, rice etc as a lifestyle. The stuff I do eat most of the time is whole wheat/ healthier choices.

Once again thanks for the comments.

Diet yesterday was just ok. I did PlyoX last night and have a 4 mile run planned for tonight.

Ripx180 Furniture = LazyBoy....

WI: 205

I am still struggling with the mental portion of the game. I need to come up with a revelation that will re-energize my motivation and dedication to a healthy lifestyle that sticks for the long run. Like most people my will to loose weight and stay healthy ebbs and tides like the ocean. My cycles seem to go in 50 pound increments over about a 3 year period. In the summer of 2004 I had worked my way down to 194. By summer of 2007 I had worked my way back up to 243 pounds before becoming disgusted with myself once again. By the summer of 2009 (this last summer) i had moved back down to 195. Today I sit at 205 watching myself slowly head back in a direction I don't want to go. A place I have been before but only this time older with a less resilient body. Why is mid 190s my magic number where I get hung up in my adult life weight wise? The summer before my senior year I got down to 168 and felt pretty good. I was a little to skinny I think or I guess lacked muscle but I guess I was really young then. Mentally I am trying to figure out what clicks in the 190s to where I throw in the towel and quit caring. Its not that I don't care cause I do and I don't want to have to go through the weight loss process again. It also bugs me that I never really hit my major goal of 180 pounds. I know that 180lbs isn't a magic number that is going to make things in my bodies world perfect but mentally its where I have always wanted to get. Truth is I know overweight people struggle with maintaining their weight. I totally believe that 97% of people never really maintain there weight loss and up to this point I fit the demographic. Loosing weight is something that I know I can do cause I have done it a handful of times before. But maintaining it and reaching a goal weight is something I haven't been able to do. Doubt has really sunk deep into my head. I have lots of thoughts blaming my genetics and upraising for my weight issues and body image. Matter of fact there have been many days in the last few months where I just don't care or my mind is absent of any self regulation in regards to food. I have thought "whatever, it doesn't matter I am already fat and this one meal isn't gonna make it any worse" way to many times recently. The thing that drives me crazy is I feel like if I eat 1500 cals a day I maintain or barely loose and in return I can eat closer to 3k a day and maintain or barely gain.

I think part of my problem is my support group is running thin. Most of the people I hang out with (friends and family) are genetically skinny and don't have to worry about what they eat/drink. The ones that are over weight don't seem to care or weight loss/healthy lifestyles is not important to them. You know what they say about "when in Rome" = eating sh!t and drinking. Truthfully, the online community isn't really there anymore either (I am sure you are thinking "why is he writing this then?"). My answer is "I don't know" and most likely because blogging has helped me in the past (I do miss the FAT Coalition). I do have to say thanks to my one loyal reader David who has seemed to always have my back. If anyone reading this knows of any other on-line blog groups that are more involved give me a shout out. Even my wife is less involved with helping me out. Our house has more junk food in it, shes not working out much, and our cooking has been less healthy including much more eating out. She used to actually read my blog and be involved with my well being. I know she is still behind me and there for me but its not at the forefront of her mind. I guess we all have a thousand other things to worry about (finance, kids, jobs, relationships, houses, image, personal hobbies etc).

I know, I am being a debbie downer so I will quit. I also realize all the above is bunch of lame excuses and I only have myself to blame. I just need to get a grip.

I guess one semi good thing is I am still working out 3-4 times a week which is better than the average American.

Sorry for the really long winded ramble... back to the drawing board.

Ahhhh Snap!!!!!

Well I haven't weighed in since last week. About a week and a half ago I went for a 4 mile run. I pushed it harder than normal trying to increase my speed. Felt really good on the run and thought everything was great. Later that night I noticed my knee felt a little stiff. Anyway my knee has become really painful the last week and a half or so. I have tried to do anti inflammatories and it helps with the pain some but it always comes back. It doesn't hurt much when standing on it or walking. If I try to do stairs, push in my clutch, do squats or lunges, or sit with a bend in my leg it hurts really bad (not muscle sore more like tendon sore "ache"). Thus far in my life I have been really lucky and haven't had many injuries less a ankle sprain here and there. On top of missing several cardio days last week my diet has pretty much been sucking. I have been drinking more booze on the weekends and eating lots of carbs and fat (pretty much stuff I know I shouldn't be eating). So I am pretty ticked at myself right now cause I am throwing away allot of hard work. The super sucky thing is I cant seem to get things turned around mentally or physically. I have come a long way and I don't want to have to fight that same fight again.... Send me good thoughts vibes to help get me back on track.

Still Chugging Along

WI: 204.4

Still higher than I would like to see but it is what it is. I knew I
had gained some poundage on the cruise and my P90x workouts have left me really sore (assuming my muscles are holding onto extra water). Last week I hit 5 out of 6 workouts and my diet was mediocre. As predicted my diet will be the hardest to re-regulate, it always is. We had some really good BBQ off my smoker this last weekend and I ate leftovers (pork ribs). Pretty bad for you but taste oooohhhh so good. I need to get back to planning my meals then the stars should realign and my weight should start coming back down faster. I would like to be sub 200 again by the end of October. I am signing up for the Turkey Trot 5k again this year in Bend, OR and want to post a sub 30 minute time.... I guess I should say "I Will post a sub 30 min time". Tonight is either a run or PlyoX depending on the weather. Keep the blogs rolling people, I
love reading them.

Post Cruise..... Auto Pilot Off

WI: ???? gonna give myself a week to re-acclimate

I am back from the big Cruise of 2009 trip that I had been looking forward to for so long. I had a wonderful time and really enjoyed my time in the Caribbean. We were able to take this cruise less the kids given my in laws were in town and wanting to watch them for us. It really allowed my wife and I to reconnect and recharge our parenting batteries. By the end of the week I missed my little guys (sons) a ton though. We had 3 full days at sea and 3 ports (San Juan, St Marteen, and Labadee in Haiti. All three ports had tons to offer and I wish I had more time at each of them. To me that is the main downside to a cruise (you never stay anywhere for long). I did make 3 trips to the on board gym which was awesome by the way. With that said I pretty much ate and drank whatever I wanted to for 8-9 days strait too without much thought of trying to control damage or weight gain. I knew that was going to happen and I was willing to deal with it when I got home. Anyway the time flew by really fast but I have a week full of wonderful memories and tons of great pictures.

Enough talk about the cruise, back to normal scheduled programming. So starting yesterday I began my hybrid P90x/Insanity workout that I put together. It pretty much takes the majority of the weight lifting days of P90x and inserts Insanity workouts in the cardio days. It will allow me to tweak it a little as I go and offer much more variety. I did Chest and Back yesterday and I am really sore. I have lost a fair amount of strength in the push up and pull up area over the last few months. The thing I really noticed is my stamina for pull ups and push ups is way down too. Diet is definitely getting better with even more room for improvement. I want to get back on low carb for cardio days and slightly higher for weight lifting days. I can tell my weight is up as I feel more bloated and my clothes are slightly tighter. If I had to guess I would say I weight like 205ish. There were a few pictures taken of me with my shirt off which I really tried to avoid. Let me tell you I am no where near where I want to be body wise. I still wonder if my genetics will ever let me achieve the body image I would like to obtain. Even though I am somewhat strong my muscles do not show it. I am still very soft with a dough boy appearance. Pretty much like a bunch of fat hanging on a skeleton. But my mind continues to say "Theres no other option, keep trying".

Tonight brings Plyometrics which is a brutal P90x workout but something in me is still looking forward to jumping around with my old buddy Tony Horton.

Hope this finds you all well.... write a update on your blog, many of you are slacking in the blogging department. Lets change that, ok?